Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] Welcome to the Crema Chaj podcast.
[00:00:06] Thank you.
[00:00:09] Grab a seat.
[00:00:11] I always watch videos like that. And the young amongst you are so natural in front of the camera.
[00:00:20] I'm jealous.
[00:00:22] I look at cameras and flee from them. But thank you, Natalie, for that. Look round. So, if you are a father here today, happy Father's Day.
[00:00:35] This is the one day of the year where you're completely honored.
[00:00:44] So we're going to honor fathers today with your. It's spiritual or biological. If you are a father, you need to know this is. This is a high calling, if not the highest calling that the Lord puts upon us. Exodus 20 says, Honor your father and mother that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you. So honor your father and mother means more than simply just obeying them. Okay. Although that helps.
[00:01:18] In the Bible, honor carries an idea of treating parents with respect, grace, gratitude, care and dignity throughout life. And it comes with a promise that your days may be long.
[00:01:34] And the meaning is that you will flourish, you will have a stable life because God has ordained the family.
[00:01:44] And so when you honour, the favor of God comes upon you. And when his favour is upon you, all doors start opening up before you. But it always starts.
[00:01:56] God's kingdom ways is to honor your father and mother, treat them with all the respect they're due. Your days will be long and you will live a stable, healthy life. That's the promise of the Lord. So who here has or had a father as all of you? It's all right.
[00:02:18] You've. It's all. Now, were they all perfect?
[00:02:22] No.
[00:02:23] No, probably not. Who here is a father?
[00:02:28] Own up.
[00:02:30] Okay, let me tell you, you will not always be perfect.
[00:02:37] You know, when.
[00:02:39] Oh, dear. When I think Joel was about 2 years old and we had people round and they were just. They were all leaving and we were seeing them off. Good.
[00:02:50] Checking. They get to their car okay. And he went to run across the road. So, I mean, I just grabbed him and his arm came out of its socket. I dislocated his arm and I went, oh, no.
[00:03:04] And, you know, I prayed it would go back because I thought if I take him to hospital, you know, social services is going to be there and I'm going to be in trouble. But it didn't. We prayed over him, so I had to go down to AE with him. And, you know, I'm kind of. I'm just really sheepish and I'm just kind of sneaking in, you know. And this really sweet nurse came up to me and she said, oh, what's the problem? I said, honestly, I'm really. I'm repenting to her. I'm really sorry. I've pulled his arm out of his socket, but I was saving his life while I did it. Just.
[00:03:37] And she said, oh, don't worry. She said, this happens all the time when they're this age. And she said, would you like me to put it back?
[00:03:45] And I went, you don't need a doctor. She said, no, I can do it. And I thought, that's great. No paperwork, no social services. Let's just get. Let's just get it all sorted. She did. She went bang and just popped back in.
[00:03:58] And, you know, she said, let him go and play over there. And she said, if he's okay in 10, 15 minutes, you can just take him home. So I escaped prison, I escaped all of the paperwork, and my children are still alive, okay? So I may not be the perfect.
[00:04:19] I may not be a perfect father, but we've made it thus far. And what I want to say to you. What I want to say to you is that now let's read the Bible first. Let's read the Bible, then I'll say something to you. Find 1 Corinthians 4, chapter 14.
[00:04:37] All right, we're going to stand again to read the word of the Lord.
[00:04:42] And this is 1 Corinthians 4, chapter 14. Paul's writing.
[00:04:50] He says, I do not write these things to shame you, but as my beloved children, I warn you. For though you might have 10,000 instructors in Christ, yet you do not have many fathers.
[00:05:02] For in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through the Gospel. Therefore, I urge you, imitate me. You know, I don't know if you mark up your Bibles, you know, underline it.
[00:05:13] For this reason, I've sent Timothy to you, who is my beloved and faithful son in the Lord, who will remind you of my ways.
[00:05:21] Imitate me my ways in Christ as I teach everywhere, in every church. Now, some are puffed up, as though they were not coming to you. But I will come to you shortly, if the Lord wills. And I will know not the word of those who are puffed up, but the power. For the kingdom of God is not in word, but in power.
[00:05:43] What do you want? Shall I come to you with a rod or in love and a spirit of gentleness? Grab a seat. Thank you, Lord, for your word.
[00:05:55] Do you ever wonder why Paul says we need spiritual fathers? Why is the emphasis. Why is he saying you really need more fathers? Why doesn't he say spiritual mothers you know, often mothers are just so naturally nurturing.
[00:06:15] So why does he say you need fathers and not guides and overseers?
[00:06:23] And I think I'm going to get into trouble. I think probably because fathering is more difficult than mothering.
[00:06:34] Oh, my goodness. Fill the room. Go down. Put your spears down. Just for a moment. Let me try and explain.
[00:06:46] God, it's Father's Day, remember? It's just one day of the year.
[00:06:55] You see, lots of women, not all women, but lots of women dream of being mothers.
[00:07:03] You're made to mother.
[00:07:06] But men don't tend to dream of being fathers, even though you were made to father.
[00:07:12] We tend to dream of being pilots, footballers, racing car drivers, because to us, that feels much more exciting.
[00:07:23] You see, many men. I don't want to speak for all the men in this room. I'm just going to speak for me, okay? And if you identify with it, good. If you don't, you know, I understand. I'm a dinosaur, okay? There's modern men in here.
[00:07:38] I was shocked when I had to go to the birth of my children.
[00:07:43] No, no, no. She's saying, don't tell those stories.
[00:07:49] No, that's good. You see, many men.
[00:07:55] We may come back to that. Don't worry, I will really get off my notes. Many men don't want responsibility. I didn't, you know, I was enjoying being me.
[00:08:06] I had all the toys, which were getting steadily more expensive as I grew up.
[00:08:12] I could do what I want, when I wanted. I quite like the idea of getting married because then there would be someone to look after me.
[00:08:21] But, you know, my mum.
[00:08:24] My mum was a great lady. You know, she would cook all my meals, she would wash all my clothes and, you know, when I was watching tv, she'd sometimes break my chocolate up and bring it to me so I didn't have to break it up. She was a good lady.
[00:08:44] So I kind of thought marriage was a good idea.
[00:08:48] But being a father, I wasn't too sure about because I just wasn't ready for being a father. It was okay to be taken care of but not be a father.
[00:08:58] You see, it was that bad part of getting married and becoming a father is all to do growing up from a boy into a man. And we're called to be husbands and fathers.
[00:09:16] What Paul is saying when he writes the Corinthian Church, he says, this is what leadership looks like. How can you be a leader if you are not a husband or a father? You know, a good husband or a father. And what he's not doing is excluding Single people. Paul himself wasn't married, but what he's saying, marriage and fatherhood grows us up.
[00:09:36] It matures us. You know, we were selfish and. And it is a process of us laying down our lives.
[00:09:47] And. And so, fathers, today I want to. I want to correct a lie that you may have been taught or told much of your life. And the lie is your first priority is to provide.
[00:10:03] And I just don't believe that's true.
[00:10:06] The Lord is your provider.
[00:10:08] I believe your first priority is to prevail.
[00:10:12] You see, Abraham prevailed.
[00:10:16] Father. Abraham prevailed by trusting God over the decades.
[00:10:21] Even when he didn't see the promise immediately, he kept going.
[00:10:27] Jacob prevailed by wrestling with God and refusing to let go until God blessed him.
[00:10:34] Joshua declares, as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord, prevailing not only in battle, but in the leadership of his family and life.
[00:10:48] And Job prevailed, holding on to God, no matter what the suffering was that came upon him.
[00:10:56] You see, men, husbands, fathers, the Lord is your provider.
[00:11:05] But if you will prevail and walk with him through every joy and difficulty, the favor of God will come upon your life. And I want to quickly say three things that I think will help us be good fathers. First one is, learn to love God. Second one is, love the wife of your youth. And the second is become part of the mission.
[00:11:29] So the first one, love.
[00:11:31] Learn to love God. Joshua says, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Seek first the kingdom of God, Jesus says, and everything else will be added unto you. You see?
[00:11:45] And again, I'm just talking to me. I wouldn't presume to talk to you. My observation of many guys is that they get married, have some children, and then the danger is that we could live as if our life is over.
[00:12:02] Well, I've made it.
[00:12:04] Now all I need to do is develop my career and provide for my family.
[00:12:12] But that's not Abraham. His family was the promise.
[00:12:17] Joshua says, now the adventure begins. Because as a family, we will serve the Lord. You see, your adventure is not over by getting married and having children, but the adventure is just starting. In fact, right at the end of Job, we read, your latter days will be better than your former days.
[00:12:38] You see, it's meant to get better.
[00:12:41] You haven't made it. You're just starting the adventure.
[00:12:47] So your love of God will lead you into all of the adventures and promises of God for you, your wife and your children.
[00:12:59] And you know, the devil has a plan for you to fail as a father.
[00:13:06] In fact, his greatest strategy in the world today is to break up families.
[00:13:10] So what I want to ask you is, do you have a plan to succeed?
[00:13:14] Have you thought, if he has a plan for you to fail, do you have a plan for him to succeed? And I want to offer to you, there is only one plan.
[00:13:22] Love the Lord your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.
[00:13:29] And look, fathers, if you will do this. Look, Children do not do what we say.
[00:13:40] Have you noticed that?
[00:13:43] They become who you are.
[00:13:48] So we get to model it. So fathers, you know, if you value football or rugby over a gathering to worship, your children will become footballers and rugby players.
[00:13:57] The problem with that is not everyone makes it in football and rugby.
[00:14:01] But if you love Jesus, your children will love Jesus. And everyone makes it with Jesus. And some become professional footballers. You've seen it in the World Cup.
[00:14:12] You see, we lead in our love for the Lord.
[00:14:18] That's why Paul says, imitate me, because our families will imitate us.
[00:14:25] So we get to lead our families into all God has for them.
[00:14:31] Number two, love the wife of your youth. The greatest thing the father can do for their children is to love their mother.
[00:14:40] It's really interesting. The Bible talks way more about marriage than raising children. It talks a lot about raising children, but the.
[00:14:50] The bond of the family is so important to God. You see, fathers, we get to model how men treat women and then how men treat sons and daughters.
[00:15:06] You see, our children look at how we treat their mother.
[00:15:13] And the thing is, women are a bit different from us.
[00:15:17] Have you noticed that?
[00:15:20] Couple of weeks ago, couple of weeks ago, I wake up.
[00:15:28] Juliet wakes up, and she just looks at me. She says, I'm really cross with you.
[00:15:35] What have I done? I'm just trying to kind of wake up. She said, well, I had a dream that we were traveling and you were in first class, and you put me in economy.
[00:15:47] And I'm going, but it was a dream.
[00:15:51] And she said, I'm still cross.
[00:15:54] Women are very different from men.
[00:16:02] Story cost me all day. No, you weren't. You weren't. It was probably okay by 11.
[00:16:09] You see, it's really interesting. And because women are very different from men. Women marry to be loved, and men often marry to be served.
[00:16:22] You see, if we get married for someone to serve us, that's not love, it's slavery.
[00:16:29] But if we marry to serve, to lay down our life to love, just as Christ loved the church, our relationship becomes something very precious.
[00:16:42] And you say, yeah, but, Steve, women should submit to their husbands.
[00:16:47] I absolutely agree with you just. As husbands must worship their wives.
[00:16:53] It's a twofold thing in the Bible. And so our children get to see this in action. And you go, steve, you haven't seen my house. But it's just like mine.
[00:17:05] But there's a determination that we would kind of grow up before we grow old. Do we have rows? Oh, my goodness, you bet. Even in dreams, do we get cross?
[00:17:19] You bet we get cross.
[00:17:23] But part of parenting is our children seeing us and witnessing us resolving our differences, forgiving each other, growing together, taking on adventures, sometimes going through troubles, sometimes seeing great victories, yet holding on to Jesus and each other.
[00:17:48] You know, I knew this marriage really early on in our marriage. I knew this marriage was going to be a tricky thing.
[00:17:55] We'd been married and, well, probably nine months, because Juliet reminded she was eight months pregnant.
[00:18:04] And again, you know, marriage is all about communication.
[00:18:09] I communicated that we would wait five years for children. Juliet heard five minutes, okay, so it's all about communication.
[00:18:17] And anyway, so children came along very quickly. And I was at work. She's pregnant with Joel. And I get in, and she's on the floor in the kitchen. She's just sobbing and sobbing and sobbing. And I'm like, doing. Someone's died.
[00:18:35] And I'm like, what's happened? Are you okay? What's telling me.
[00:18:40] She can't speak. She's sobbing and sobbing. I look, I'm looking for blood. I'm looking. What is. And she's just, calm down. It's going to be all right. It's going to be all right. What's happened? Tell me. Just tell me. Just tell me. She says, I've burnt the muffins.
[00:18:57] And I'm like, you burnt the muffins?
[00:19:05] They're ruined. They're ruined. I'm like, asda's just down the road.
[00:19:14] See, And I'm still getting the point.
[00:19:17] 31 is our wedding anniversary next week.
[00:19:21] 31 years, and I'm still getting the point.
[00:19:24] They're very different from us.
[00:19:28] That's why Peter writes to husbands.
[00:19:32] You know, I'm looking around. Some of you are engaged.
[00:19:36] It's still not too late.
[00:19:39] I don't mean that. I don't mean that. I'm just.
[00:19:42] Okay, I'm just. But find your Bibles.
[00:19:53] You know, you are allowed to laugh in church. It's okay. It's not a sin.
[00:19:59] You don't need to stand for this. I'm just going to read. Peter writes. So Peter was married, all right? And he. He understood some of the. Something different. He writes to husbands he says he's written. He's written to wives, actually quite a. Quite a lot.
[00:20:15] But he goes to husbands and he talks about treating women as the weaker vessel. Spears down. Remember, it's Father's Day one day of the year. We're allowed to talk, okay?
[00:20:30] And you feminists can get as upset as you want. I don't really care.
[00:20:35] But he says, husbands, this is what he writes. This is the Bible. He says husbands dwell with. With them, with understanding, talking about your wife, and it's talking about becoming one with understanding. And he says to husbands, be intelligent. He's talking about emotional intelligence, okay?
[00:20:56] And what he's saying is that there's something in the becoming one that helps men with their emotions and become emotionally intelligent. All right? He says, giving honor to their. And again, the word is rank.
[00:21:15] To the wife as the weaker.
[00:21:19] It means exactly what it says. She's not as strong, as physically strong as a man. You see, the truth is, I never wanted to marry a wife that was hairier than me or had bigger muscles than me, right?
[00:21:35] I mean, it'd be frightening.
[00:21:38] So he says the weaker vessel, but the vessel means it's the word that's used of quality, a chosen instrument.
[00:21:51] And he says, being heirs together.
[00:21:53] What Peter is saying is you're different, but you're joint heirs.
[00:21:59] There isn't a hierarchy. There is an order.
[00:22:02] There's not a hierarchy. He says, we're heirs together of the grace of life.
[00:22:09] You see the adventure of life. We do this together.
[00:22:13] That was God's plan with marriage.
[00:22:16] And then he says that your prayers may not be hindered.
[00:22:21] And you see, husbands, sometimes the way we treat our wives will affect how our prayers are answered. Isn't that interesting? This is Pete talking. He's a married guy. It's not Paul who's just like, you know, I think it's better not to get married. This is Pete talking, and he's saying that the way you treat the woman in your life will affect how your prayers are answered because it's important to God.
[00:22:54] So love the wife of your youth.
[00:23:01] Thirdly, and I wrote. I wrote down, bless, nurture and encourage. And then I felt the Holy Spirit say, cross it out.
[00:23:11] I've got another one.
[00:23:13] So I crossed that out.
[00:23:16] And I think the third thing we need as fathers is to be part of the mission, the mission of Jesus Christ.
[00:23:27] You know, I think as a father, you need to love the Lord with all your heart to be a worshiper, okay? To love you, the wife of your youth. She's the most Precious gift God has given you.
[00:23:40] And then to step into the mission of Jesus Christ.
[00:23:44] You see, every Mother's Day we talk about Proverbs woman, but what about Proverbs man?
[00:23:49] You see, he appears in the Same chapter, chapter 31. We always talk about Proverbs woman. But her husband is known at the gates where he sits among the elders of the land.
[00:23:59] You know, what are they doing at the gates? They're discussing the matters of court, the mission, the defense, the purpose, the call.
[00:24:15] You see, so many people say to me, what we need is community.
[00:24:20] But community without mission is like cancer.
[00:24:26] You see, cancer cells. And I'm not a medic. Some of the medics may. You can email me later. But what cancer cells is, they're just cells that keep on, keep on multiplying and multiplying. They have no particular purpose and no care of the organism itself. And so they end up destroying.
[00:24:44] And if it's in a human body, the human body. And the thing is, community without the mission without the purpose becomes inward looking and self serving, you see. What are the men at the gates doing? Are they playing computer games? Probably not, no. They're part of the mission. And men must be part of the mission. Otherwise we go after our own purposes.
[00:25:13] And the greatest thing we can teach our children is to be part of the mission. The greatest thing for a family is to be part of the mission of Jesus Christ. I remember, you know, when we were just starting this church, we were tiny, you know, we certainly didn't have a building or anything. And we.
[00:25:28] A woman ran out, Julia was just driving along, woman ran out and she slammed on her brakes and you know, she's on the bonnet staring through, so it's hard to miss. And the Lord just said, go and help her.
[00:25:39] And so Juliet came back and said, I think we're meant to go and help that estate. So we went onto that housing estate. And I remember as few of us went, you know, there was certainly in the first service, some people that were there. Were you guys there when we went there. And we, it was, it was a gray, it was a gray evening. And we got guitars and we were just worshiping. There was a few burnt out cars and you know, people were coming out on the balcony. And I'm like, oh God, I pray I don't die tonight. You know, we got our kids with us, but we were part of the mission. And people started coming out and they were singing and they were shouting about me. Sing another one.
[00:26:15] And you know, we did that over a long period of Time and people would come out and we did fun days on the green and just started ministering to those people. The ministry of Jesus Christ, you see, it was the family business.
[00:26:32] You see, Men, boys are different from women as much as the world might say otherwise. They need purpose. That's why Jesus said, come, follow me, men. Fathers, I know you love Jesus, but will you sign up for his mission?
[00:26:57] That's the biggie.
[00:26:59] You know, I love that there's more and more starting around this church. You know, that we have the football team.
[00:27:07] My constant prayer is that they would remain Christians on the pitch as well as off the pitch, but just they've got some of the stuff out there, but just the things that are going on for men around here.
[00:27:23] And it's not just, you know, sport and doing those things together. But then the beautiful thing that's been happening is men just gathering and worshiping and talking and just talking about some of the real issues that are going on in their lives and just realizing they're not the only ones. Oh, you know, and they're saying, I'm struggling here. And they go, so am I.
[00:27:47] I thought I was the only person and just starting to talk about it. And women are really good at making community and having these little groups and talking, but men tend to talk over task.
[00:27:57] And I just really want to encourage you, if you're a man in this church, these spaces are good for you.
[00:28:07] And don't hang back. Move into the mission because as you do, your family will benefit.
[00:28:17] Because as you fall more and more in love with Jesus, as you deal with your stuff, as I deal with my stuff, my family benefits.
[00:28:26] And men. Ministering to men is a very powerful thing.
[00:28:29] And I'm just asking, what's the mission for your family?
[00:28:32] Is it to build the church, to build the community, to help the poor, to take care of widows, to raise orphans and sons and daughters? I don't know. What is it? Remember right at the beginning I said the devil has a plan.
[00:28:44] Jesus wants to give you a plan.
[00:28:48] What is he talking to you about? What is the plan he's going to give you? Ask him. Fathers, your family needs three things. Love the Lord, love the wife of your youth, and then lead them into the mission of Jesus Christ.
[00:29:05] Do you know, is there such a thing as a perfect father? No, but there is a victorious father.
[00:29:13] We're all fathers, whether spiritual or biological.
[00:29:20] We set the direction.
[00:29:22] We follow Jesus as fast as our fat little legs will carry us.
[00:29:28] And people follow.
[00:29:31] And that's the start of fathering as one just agreeing.
[00:29:39] And then as people follow, they imitate what our lives look like.
[00:29:48] And that's why Jesus says, come close to me. Walk with me, follow me.
[00:29:54] And as they imitate how we live, the favor of God falls upon us, upon our families, upon our children, and upon our children's children.
[00:30:07] We have a church full of fathers like this, and I'm so grateful. Thank you, Jesus Christ.
[00:30:17] Amen. Why don't you stand up?
[00:30:20] Thanks for listening to the Chroma Charge podcast. If you enjoyed this message, you can like and subscribe. You can also join us in in person or online every Sunday at Cromer Church. For more information about us, including our ministries, events, worship, and how to donate, visit our website at Cromer Church.
